The Chronicles of Granny In The Bed

This is God speaking Listen closely I do not have time  to repeat myself Religion is evil All who pray Are going to hell They created Not me All with faith  In lies Are going down The rapture is a cleansing Evangelicals hucksters who  Invented it are only half right All who deal in poison Will be poisoned You should assume  That time will end And never begin again How dare you speak Of eternity How little you know But are aware of Not one in a million Of what is obvious Even to you You are not dust You are a vibration You are music Not fallen But exalted Never be a slave And woe to the Slave trader That not one page In scripture of any kind Condemns human bondage Is an a...

Fundamentalist Christian youths and young adults throughout the world are increasingly more likely to consume unpredictable feces recreationally than ever before in human or animal history.  The dangerous trend has sent shock waves through the evangelical and curmudgeon community, causing concerned parents to email jesus@heaven.org pinging to their servers for an e-miracle. "We thought we knew everything," said Pastor Spastor Sanderson of Stempe, Sarizona, "I was fairly certain that I had been singled out by God hisself.  Then, I caught the smartest Aryan boy in my guilt class basically setting up a deal to buy a trunk load of high grade baby poo from a Planned Parenthood in Sandinista territory.  I said, wait one minute... maybe I haven't seen everything yet.  Damn." The children have become increasingly sophisticated in the trade of human-produced solid waste, called dung on the street.  Last week, a missionary bus arriving at Tijuana from Panama City was...

The following document was found lodged under a file cabinet in Berlin at the exact location where Adolf Hitler was captured on April 30, 1945.  Do to the extreme controversy surrounding this document, it will be housed at an undisclosed location and no one will ever be able to view it.  That will include investigative journalists who are always meddling with history. The document itself is 50 pages long.  We could not find a translator who we could trust, so we used a word-for-word translating program called "Almost Write", invented by our technical consultant B.J. Aardmark.  Aardmark died of mysterious causes shortly after he turned in the final working model of his system.  His family and community disowned him, and anyway, he was not sane so he probably killed himself.  We have word from trusted sources that Aardmark was a Soviet spy in a time when Soviet spying was really a thing.  No one should assume that just because he died mysteriousl...