The Chronicles of Granny In The Bed

In a surprise bold move executives at moxycorp, makers of the popular Colonel Tornado brand blender line, announced Sunday they are eliminating all but one button on their newest design.   According to engineers the uni-button, labeled 'mix', makes it easier for consumers to decide where to stab their dirty fingers when it's time to grind. Courtesy: The Blender Museum, Tornk, Moon Base 19 Several spectators of the event have been diagnosed with acute mental breakdown.  "The extra buttons were a sham," admits Tom Court, design team lead at moxycorp, "we put them there as part of a concerted effort to dupe the masses.  In the 1950's there was this vain need to feel superior and the suits could always bilk the flat-tops, whether it was over a pickup truck or a staple kitchen appliance was scarcely important." Consumers were outraged but docile.  In fact, this article, the de facto white paper on the subject, has never been syndicate...

  3 ,000,000 alien egg siblings coming of age across globe; bullying of sea youth by insecure humans on the rise; Christians will take up arms and destroy society; Antichrist to be born in Smack Dab tonight; outlook: gloom. Ocean babies Blinsy Maalork along with 2,999,999 sibling eggs traveled to earth in a mother ship originating from Taibl, a level three hyperplanet believed to be in the reaches of the Arp 220 collision trail 77,000 parsecs from Earth.   To give you some perspective, when she began her trip, the earth was three weeks old - a flaming hairball of itself. Half a billion years later, the space eggs fell randomly across Earth’s oceans during the Hadean eon, and quickly sank to the seafloor.   Known to the ancients for making whimsical garden ornaments, the orbs were considered fossils until about 12 years ago when scientists began to notice the alien eggs were turning up on beaches and hatching into apparently normal Earth babies that seem...