The Chronicles of Granny In The Bed

"Greetings be to you, Thelma dear," said Uncle Elmer, having just arrived, persuaded by others in the family as Aunt Thelma was crying viciously, moaning, stumbling around aimlessly in her apartment, and muttering nonsense to the point that neighbors were offended. "Oh Elmer, my brother!" exclaimed Aunt Thelma, "Oh!  Lord help us all, Amen praise be, the glory be tomorrow, I am so sad right now.  Lamentations to the Lord!  I have just heard the most awful news of my life.  Oh, why, oh why, oh why, oh why why why?  Tell me why, that's all." "There, there," said Uncle Elmer, with a soft eye and warm shoulder rub, "I'm so sorry to hear that, Thelma, daughter of my mother and father, you poor dear.  We live in a time of strife.  You know the Lord tests the elect and puts obstacles in the way of the remnant.  You gotta be strong.  It's all it is.  You know I be there to help you anytime, Miss Thelma you my best sister.  You gotta...

By guest author Benjamin J. I failed computer science because I refused to waste disk space with adequate comments in my assignments. Professor Standwish said that code is written for people, not computers. Can you believe the nerve of this wrinkle-nosed artifact? This is a man who wears western shirts and bolo ties as formal attire. Of course code is not written for people. It goes in a computer, genius. I was the first one to ever challenge the renowned doctor on this issue. I alone bear that distinguishing mark. Like Sam Kinison taught me, I always speak my mind even when it is not popular and especially when others are made to feel uncomfortable (I was born after Kinison died). Standwish was livid. He actually called my father on a busy Monday to inform him how I had not done my assignments properly and that my behavior in class meant I would not be, in fact, the next Steve Jobs. He said I would only get an F and I could not buy my way out of it. All because I am still technically...