The Chronicles of Granny In The Bed

Never bother someone who is smoking a cigar unless you positively want trouble. Never complain about cigar smoke or make a smoker feel self-conscious about smoking a cigar. Always ask if you can help someone who is having difficulty lighting their cigar. If someone does not have a cigar and indicates they want one, it is considered rude not to seek out the nearest reputable tabaquero . If you are already buying one, you might as well pick up an entire box, returning promptly. If you go out to purchase cigars for someone, you should always hurry back and not make any excuses if you are late.  If you mismanage your time, be sure to give notice and be prepared to "make it right" when you finally arrive. If you buy someone a box of cigars and the party does not positively love the label, you should leave quietly, taking your cheap cigars with you.  Do not expect to ever hear from that person again – it is considered a family insult to most people of a certain bree...

Santinita Del Arquwez stars in this dark-yet-understated off-beat turgid at times pedantic period cult indy feature from Darnicle Pictures.  Dunder Stankovs (Arquwez), purveyor of a squash plantation, teams up with Melanie Ann Sumway (Fiadora Bonkers), a cigar accountant known for her catchphrase “If I’m involved, there’s gotta be some way because that’s my name, Melanie Ann Sumway”, in hatching a scheme to bare their breasts in front of President Vlakspek (Foligraphy Cmokoblans) during an upcoming press conference before the Joint Chiefs of Graft. Making her film debut, Dr. Galia Stephancrawl plays the friend who warned against it, Mistress Iarcolona Fowlcatcher, a mid forties Harvard professor who had been recently removed from her tenure pending an investigation into an incident that involved underpants cameras in her lecture hall.  Several young men reported that she threatened to show videos of their large hairy reproductive organs and penises to faculty and students i...