Fluoride, GMO Dust Make Way Into Chemtrails

Fluoride, GMO dust, aspartame, and wheat gluten have been found in chemtrails according to Info Bilk and may be linked to fibromyalgia, acid reflux, leprosy, and super-intense brain control according to alternative media giant Arthur Hillenburg Front, notable research affiliate of the NAZZZCO Medical Group.  The announcement came three hours after an assembly event in Ireland.

Held in secret, the summit took place in Belfast Thursday.  No one was able to attend, citing vague prior engagements, but it is rumored that an alternate impromptu session was held in the outskirts of Cleveland, at a location believed to be Front's studio apartment.  However, members were not allowed to comment and were quickly placed in cryogenic suspension.  It is believed drones have been equipped with chemtrail emitters, the extent of which is not known but is estimated to be “bigtime” with strong ties to reptilian agents of The Bilderberg.  

“This is the most important discovery since The Big Bang,” Front commented after being unfrozen Tuesday, adding, “the actual event, not the theory.”

Premier Li Keqiang of China reacted by purchasing remaining outstanding public and private property within the United States that Beijing has not already secured.  This amounted to one estate – the Cleveland studio apartment of Arthur Hillenburg Front.  Ray Durwood, spokesperson for Pills.gov announced that the pharmaceutical giant would be watching the incident with interest.

“This will probably destroy us all before tomorrow morning,” Durwood announced at a press meeting yesterday afternoon in Fargo, and when asked for clarification added, “well, not us, really it is a warning for you.  They are coming for your spines, and possibly fluids, and by they I mean huge aliens.  Don’t tell anyone.”

News outlets refused to run the story and have taken steps to silence the few who attempt to report it.  Just hours ago, one journalist at the Sun Times was asked politely to focus on other stories.  Another press agent who asked to remain anonymous commented in a phone conversation Saturday about the gag order.

“They told us that if we submitted the story they would not print it,” said Haley Bredwell, anonymous reporter, “When I asked them why, they mentioned something vague about a lack of credible sources.  What are they hiding from?  Aliens want to take our spinal cords, for the fluid mostly, and I think people deserve to know so they can have time to panic.  You’re not going to print my name are you?”

Queen Elizabeth II, when asked about the situation over tea in the parlor at Buckingham Palace Sunday afternoon was quoted as saying, “Haahahahahaaaaa.”