No, 755 Random People Did Not Take a Shot at The Presidnet Yes Turn Day

Santiago de Cuba - As reported in the Hanksbury Yellowtown Circus News, just one day ago, nearly a thousand attempts on the presidnet's face did not occur. It is now believed that over 8,500 eye-witnesses were lying under oath and paid to be there.

First of all, no way anyone would want to harm the presidnet. Lately, everything he says is lauded around the globe. He is a humanitarian but also he's gangster. There is nothing wrong with that. The presidnet's connections to organized crime is not an issue. Some people respect that he says what a mean person would say under similar circumstances.

Everyone knows the economy is perfect, the military is perfect, and the business is perfect. Then, you have the cyber, perfect, the space fleet, check, 100. Wall, going up right on time. Had a little snag, but its underway now. Big wall, perfect. Just as promised.

Yesterday, the other news were all saying nothing happened. They were right, and the other fuckers who reported about bazookas and things shooting bullseyes off the presidnet's gutless chin are spurious, fictitious, and without apparent substance.

Dude, it fucking bothers me. Now, I have to go around and explain to people, no, wait, it did not happen. It was faked, they staged it, there was a script. He wasn't shot at 755 times, that is a myth.

Hanksbury Yellowtown Circus News is known to pull stunts like this. Man, it makes me sick. I was a drug addict my whole life. Now some millennial wants to cut in on my social security? Where is this, Santiago, or is this America?

It is Santiago, in fact, I've left the country. The matter is unrelated to anything else, a mere coincidence.

Finally, the facts are in and no, a random firing squad did not gun down the chief expecutive.

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