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Blasting Car-Dashian: A Look Back at This Season's Most Watched and Best Loved Reality Show

Slogans like "Man, if you need a good man you better see Stan Goodman, esquire" have been around for millions of years.  When you are officially oppressed by government employees, you tend to want the loudest mouth jerk in your corner.  You don't care that he wears leather and stands on the top of a big rig.  He fights so you don't have to, with explosives and questionable methods that may not be ethical.  That is why, this coming fall, last resort television has produced the finest reality series ever created in mankind's short and sketchy semblance toward awareness of itself.

Is it going to be better than Wham!?  You bet your ass it is.  They have divided the houses roughly into two teams: asses and fat-knicks.  Team ass has only four to five members at any given time.  One actor, Bernard Standers is pretending to be an outsider to make it seem like he is going to be a good choice.  But after his name he uses the parenthetical 'a', for ass, on TV.  To use a phrase from the bard himself, "that ain't no independent."

Yet, no one is in drag and no one deserves con-drag-ulations.  The woman known simply as Miss Pantsuit has the most experience and should waltz into the White House for 8 more cycles to jump start the season finally.  Mikey O'Malley will sashay away and it is likely to be unpleasant for all of his attempts to win the pity vote.

Team fat-knick has its work cut out, so much so, that it has over 215 cast members vying for the coveted spot behind the podium at a debate hosted by fake news celebrities.

An oddball calling himself Christie seems like a nice man but he is anything but.  He is known in parts of Jersey as the bridge bully and he earned his name by closing lanes.  Any true American can respect an elite fat man for closing down a working man from getting home to spend quality time with his family.

Fat-knick, true to its name, does not believe the environment exists or yesterday before midnight has any bearing on anything to come ever.  They live in a perpetual haze neverland moment misguided from birth.  It is really a collection plate of dullards, to be frank.  Many of them pretend, for the audience, that they pray and believe in the rapture while in fact they are stone-cold atheists.

Only Rosanne Barr, from an independent house called simply Roseann Barr has any real television experience.  Her brand cannot be diluted, even though she went from aver-age to glamour-age in our lifetime. She is actually 10 years younger than she was when she desecrated our national heritage at a ball game, was it hundreds of years ago?  No more PCP, after new year's.  That goes for all of us.

No discussion about the upcoming spectacle would be complete without mentioning devoted fat-knick favorite Donald Trump.  He spent his time shaming his party into realizing that he stands for everything they do, only better.  He is like Ronald Reagan meets Howard Hughes with less sanity and more realism than either ever managed in their lifetimes and that says something clever.  He should prove to be a real war criminal if he can continue to convince people that he has a chance to win.

Baby cries Mike Huckabee and Ted Cruz have sucked up all the worst of American xenophobes and enjoy being saints.  Huckabee even begged to be put in jail.  Cruz's father, despite being in Fidel Castro's revolutionary army, is ever ready to label any leader from the ass party as being exactly like Adolf Shitler.  He has no charm and his son Ted is the picture of ugly.

Vermin Supreme heads the odd case party with a boot for a hat.  He does not, to his credit, cry the blues every time he is left off the debate shows, but is happy with his walk-on roll.  Producers do not expect to focus on him at all.  Zoltan Ishvan, his real name, is from the future, if I understand it correctly, and is hoping to build cyborgs and other fictitious nonsense at some point.

Rand Paul is from a spoiled independent family from Texas, with its over-inflated view of itself.  This fat-knick is different than the rest but not by much.  He spends a lot of time making distinctions that are not there to people who do not have the capacity for distinction and thus he comes across, to them, as making sense.  To everyone else he is an odd duck on stage that quacks on beat and synced to the misinformation station known as the fat-knick agenda.  His favorite act is to pretend that he was cheated or otherwise treated badly by the establishment who actually love his style.

Nine hundred others are also running, and each has its own super-pac, and each has its own super-pac, and each of them has their own, yes, super-pac.  The good men and women of the world are asking, didn't this process used to mean something to the future of the world?  And, when did it become such a sham.  What happened the the electrical college?  The PCP is starting to reveal its special awareness and vonguard, et cetera.  Bye for now.






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