Computer Virus Kills Humans

Caracas - It was reported Thursday in News Weekly that mutated computer viruses are infecting human beings and other lower apes at an alarming rate.  The announcement came during an Illuminati rally held Friday in Perth.  Sources close to The Bilderberg have said that the organization has known about Amphibious Digital Particle Viruses (ADPV), the most notorious of the Class 5 technovirus families, for some time. 

“We may have even developed them,” said Roberto Carlos, a Bilderberg serpent-head and secret world police officer, “However, because we are secretive, we cannot be certain of that or much else.  All we know is ADPV's do exist and that they are particularly awful.”

According to Carlos, 979 cases have been reported in and around Caracas since Sunday.  Nearby La Paz is believed to be at the epicenter of the outbreak, which has a reported 117% effective death rate, killing even those who have only heard about the virus online.

“We have a number of cases where people read a blog, were infected with the virus, became paralyzed, and died seconds later,” said Alice Cove of HAARP.

The virus is also transmitted via the keyboard or mouse.  It travels through the fingers, up the spine, and out the cerebral cortex.  There it incubates, but within seconds releases digital packets filled with malicious code.  The entire process works under a Java platform. 

The reaction creates a denial-of-service attack within the host organism, paralyzing unsuspecting brain cells.  Because of the sophisticated nature of the virus, notable experts have advised users to wear gloves at all times while online, even for users who may not use a keyboard or mouse.

Rev. Arnbjörg Bjornberg of Oslo, pointed out that gloves are not 100% effective at preventing the virus.  According to Bjornberg, individuals all over the world are being infected and little to nothing seems to be effective at stopping the bio-malware’s spread.  According to Info Bilk editor Harbinger Lewis, the internet is and has always been an ongoing false flag operation designed to infect everyone.

“The internet is staged,” said Lewis, maniacally at a clapboard meeting of the INLU on his website, “Who is running the show?  Is it someone else?  I have this to say: you won't listen?  You don’t want to hear the truth, then.  We knew this would happen, um, eventually.”
 (Info Bilk has never mentioned this scenario)

An anonymous letter, sent to this blog by a notoriously secret board member of the Council On Fluoride, suggests that the virus was actually created by aquatic aliens inadvertently after one of their mind control experiments went ghastly awry in The Sea of Serenity on the Moon, leaving two reptilian agents transformed into robots that led to robotic bacteria being accidentally discarded into the drinking water of Boise, Idaho.  How the virus then found its way to Venezuela remains uncertain as of early Thursday.

“We thought nothing of it.  If one had happened and not the other,” said the source, “I don’t think it would have made much of a difference.  Either one seems to be the endgame of all humankind.”

Officials at the apex of the Internet have beefed up firewalls amid worries that time-traveling cyber body harvesters may exploit the outbreak.  Bomb shelter sales have quadrupled since Saturday.  In Sydney it was reported Friday that the only antidote to the virus is a psychotropic "reboot", brought on by a mixture of Tabernanthe iboga and Anadenanthera peregrina that, according to shaman, may also cause unwanted awareness of profound truths and second death.

As of early Monday, The Kremlin has not responded to requests for comment.  Secret sources revealed that the silence maybe related to the fact that Moscow did not become aware of the news until reporters mentioned it.  Riyadh denied comment, but is believed to strongly support Moscow’s statement.
           

The living room believed to be the epicenter of the outbreak in La Paz, Venezuela