The Chronicles of Granny In The Bed

Trolls are just lame. In ancient times, Trolls were the guardians of bridges. They had foresight enough to use the structure itself as a shelter, as opposed to erecting a separate shack nearby. From a community perspective, a guardhouse is overkill when you have a Troll family living underneath the span. Back then Trolls were, while not respectable, notably not pathetic. At least you knew where they were coming from. Though oafish wielders of blunt objects, careless wretches in the night, lost dreamers who lived the frontier fringe, they served a useful purpose. In their defense, they only ate the weakest who could not answer their riddles. Even biblical Samson, not a Troll, was prone to that behavior. Fast forward to today. Click pause. Look. Trolls have turned pathetic. With the obsolescence of bridges, they have been driven from their underpasses. They are now spending all their time online. Trolls read everything that is posted, and they comment in their strange tongue, l...

Chris Kyle, top ace killer from yards, has been upgraded to superhero status in an Austin talk-building, with men standing at podiums in ties and very serious attitudes.  To add to the credibility of the event, an agenda was printed out on paper.  The weather outlook was clear and calm.  There was the smell of hot dogs in the crowd and cotton candy was being fisted out two by the dozens.  The scene was complete with upbraided cowboy hats pointing and practically pining towards the speakers on stage. “It was a spectacle,” said Dustin Cambridge, a high school student from Decatur, “everyone was so elated that no one could stop crying long enough to speak.  I was overwhelmed by the amount of touching that was going on, some of which seems to have been taken straight from the play book of Bill Cosby.” Calling Kyle bad names is now considered blasphemy against the High Church of America.  Penalties include mandatory nightcaps spent with Bill "The Clone" Cosb...

In a surprise bold move executives at moxycorp, makers of the popular Colonel Tornado brand blender line, announced Sunday they are eliminating all but one button on their newest design.   According to engineers the uni-button, labeled 'mix', makes it easier for consumers to decide where to stab their dirty fingers when it's time to grind. Courtesy: The Blender Museum, Tornk, Moon Base 19 Several spectators of the event have been diagnosed with acute mental breakdown.  "The extra buttons were a sham," admits Tom Court, design team lead at moxycorp, "we put them there as part of a concerted effort to dupe the masses.  In the 1950's there was this vain need to feel superior and the suits could always bilk the flat-tops, whether it was over a pickup truck or a staple kitchen appliance was scarcely important." Consumers were outraged but docile.  In fact, this article, the de facto white paper on the subject, has never been syndicate...

While we consider our privacy to be a very serious matter, we do not feel the same way about your privacy.   W hile we expect you to be the subject of intense scrutiny as to the details of your vast and complicated data footprint, we have no problem keeping you fully ignorant as to the nature of our enterprise.  "Can you keep secret?... No?.......Why No?" This webspace will store and keep the following categories of personal data automatically: 1.                 Your IP address and geo-location at all times, past, present, and future, including any times that may have occurred prior to the advent of the personal computer or after The Unfortunate Events of 2650.   Because you are reading this, said information has already been collected and your consent has already been confirmed electronically via our remote data servers. 2.                 Your...

Post modern times evoke post modern desperation.  The latest adventure in "time to shock the masses" is as curious as any other dutiful stroke down the leviathan that is the current minute in space-time.  This un-closable jar is called Recursive Music.  Expression    Dimebox Old Time College Redeveloped by engineers at Dimebox College in Selma last summer, Recursive Music exploits algorithms that were discarded by Harvard scientists in 1954.    The events that led the Ivy League quintessential hog-fiends to "destroy the code and all traces of the authors of the code" is an interesting story itself.  Apparently, university administrators at the time decided to pursue more idealistic goals than the model prescribed by the haughty "we will destroy all of existence" statement that was the motto of the project led by Dr. Hiley Boll.  Suppression Boll and his students were...

by Wendy Pill Guest writer Great companies are not just made - they are spawned from Hell.   They are psychopathic super-individuals that pound everyone and everything in their sight.     Today, sadly, great companies are in decline with good and bad companies making up most companies.   Though this article will not deal specifically with bad companies, it is important to remember in the course of reading that bad companies are companies that make great companies turn into only good companies. One U.S. Dollar is now worth approximately 100 cents.   The one thing   Good companies do everything except one thing that great companies do – great companies measure once and cut twice; three times if necessary.   They cut jobs.   Should a hundred cuts be necessary, the difference between being good and great is that the great companies will cut a hundred while the good companies will stop after like twenty-two cuts. ...