Skip to main content

Dr. Foxy explains to a crowd in Ohio a very simple method of time travel: sitting around and waiting

Dr. Foxy was in Ohio Friday to sell his new proposition for altering space-time to the benefit of mankind.  This is in sharp contrast to his last speech on the subject, given in Berlin, where he was criticized for creating methods that would adversely affect all of creation.

"I was wrong to insinuate going back in time to kill the pre-Gods was a great idea," said Dr. Foxy at an informal gathering at the Reichstag, "Now, I want to offer one solution that I have found that meets both criteria for elegant space-time alterations that come with no cost, one, and that can be applied without electronic devices that use fossil fuels, two.  Therefore, I want you all to join me Friday in Steubenville, Ohio."

Boos filled the audience when he mentioned fossil fuels.  The reason for that is the term has come to signify a pejorative term applied to deads whose bodies were used as kindling for massive energy projects, called beige energy.  Someone said, that is offensive to those people whose bodies were used to power the grid last 85 years or more.  

"It may not be POLITICALLY CORRECT," Dr. Foxy motioned his hat the typical way when anyone says the favorite catch-phrase, and waved his hands three times for emphasis, the birds were confused and began chirping an alarm to other birds to watch the fuck out, "but, even though it is not POLITICALLY CORRECT..."

At this point, the audience launched into a protracted volley of exuberance as  more than 60 men and women began circling the concourse of the Steubenville Tech Arena yelling and screaming and waving exactly 36 different flags of various colors and shapes.  All of the audience then stripped down to underpants, and sang their response.

"Under my method, anyone can go into the future," said Dr. Foxy, getting to the point, "All one must do is simply find a stable place on planet earth, say a bedroom or a front porch even, and just stay where you are for the length of time that you wish to travel into the future.  So, for instance, if your destination is at 8 PM and it is 12 PM, you get you a clock, and you countdown the time, and you wait exactly 8 hours."

An audience member raised her hand then asked.

"Can you do other stuff while you wait?"

"It is not orthodox, certainly," said Dr. Foxy while fingering his beard for a handle, "and, it would be considered unconventional.  Scholars might insist it is not technically time travel, however, the truth is, it can be done with the right foresight.  For instance, you don't want to get so carried away that you forget your destination time and then miss it.  That would be a disaster, you see, because of the delicate nature of space-time.  You have to think differently, remember, and the known paths are all sit and wait.  Sit and wait, for you destination, and that ALWAYS WORKS."

At that phrase, the entire audience became a circus and Dr. Foxy sat down and watched for 3 hours the elephants and the horses do their wiggle dance.  He watched the asses and the camels perform their mock baseball game, with such accuracy, then a tall fat German came out and told the lions to be quiet, then the clowns were ironically dressed in plainclothes.

At the end of it, no one remembered what Dr. Foxy said, but they all made it to their destination - 4 hours in the future.  Therefore, the Gods marked another success and made a note of it for their future bibles. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Wombat Pill Is THE #1 Doctor’s Choice for Mom’s Beard

Do you or someone you love suffer from Mom’s Beard? 25-40% of all young mothers experience some form of post-natal Mom’s Beard.  However, do to stigma, most never report in for treatment.  Then, the problem only worsens. “I was embarrassed that someone would mistake me for a man,” said Diedre Northwinter of Alert, Nunavut in northernmost Canada, “I was afraid I would start earning more unless I did something fast.  However, I heard that the treatment for Mom’s Beard causes worse Mom’s Beard**.  It was one of the most difficult years of my life.” You never want to have to say “I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN WOMBAT PILL,” after it is too late. The tell-tale symptoms of Mom’s Beard go away on their own.  However, super-follicles produced by Mom’s Beard can take as long as 6-months to a year to heal, and the results can leave a mustache.  In that amount of time, your husband may develop irreversible homosexuality if cost-prohibitive steps are not taken. These...

It’s a Long Way to the Top? Really?

If you wanna be a star of stage and screen,             Look out - it’s rough and mean - AC/DC It’s a Long Way To The Top, 1975, Albert Productions Australian hard rock sensation AC/DC released their rock anthem It’s a Long Way To The Top (If You Wanna Rock ‘n’ Roll) nearly 40 years ago in 1975.   The band’s fifth single, Long Way reached the ninth spot on the Australian charts and is widely considered by critics to be the legend Bon Scott’s signature hit.   To add to its prestige, it was recently included in the Australian National Registry of Recorded Sound .   However, the entire premise of the song is fabricated – AC/DC and the Brothers Young actually became internationally famous rock stars within one year after releasing Long Way . Malcolm, Angus, and George Young recording in 1972. Let there be rock Malcolm and Angus Young, key to AC/DC’s raw sound, are the younger brothers of G...

The Astonishing Not Coincidences

The following articles may seem like coincidences, but, upon close inspection, it is revealed quite clearly that they are anything but.  It is further mostly a fact that most of them are, in fact, not factual by any stretch of the meaning of the term.  We present them for your readership in the usual fashion, following a colon, to wit:      Jesus was born at night in a barn to Mary in Bethlehem.  Nero was born at dawn in a house to Agrippina in Antium.      When Jesus was born, it was said “this is the anointed one who is born of Mary and Joseph.” When Nero was born, it was said “That nothing but what was detestable, and pernicious to the public, could ever be produced of Domitus and Agrippina.”      When Jesus was born head first, three Kings attended his birthplace, and brought three gifts that they delivered to the parents: frankincense, myrrh, and gold.  Afterward, they left sober and were never heard from again. ...