The president was in town yesterday to talk about Dr. Foxy again. This time, he spoke very well and was heard by everyone in the audience. Last time, his mic was turned down so low that some people in the back of the room could not make out what he was saying which lead to some confusion when it was time to discuss Dr. Foxy's recent surprise decision to ban vinegar from the public without a permit.
Which, as the president noted, was fool-hearty considering that vinegar is a valuable commodity used around the world as a general purpose food preservative. What could possibly be wrong with something that preserves food? Dr. Foxy said he doesn't like the smell.
"I don't like the way vinegar smells," says Dr. Foxy at a meeting Friday, "it just sucks all the way around. It is terrible. Have you ever smelled it? I would rather smell vomit or terds or death than vinegar any day of the week. I would rather smell asparagus laden urine or a fish kill in the dead sea going at a million carp. Ever smell a million dead carp baking surreptitiously on the banks of the dead sea? Brother, it's bad, but nothing compared to vinegar."
"Ever clean out your coffee pot with vinegar? And then that smell lingers in your lungs, and you can't get rid of it, there is no alternative? I say, we haven't looked hard enough."
"Are you saying flatulence is as smelly as vinegar?" asked a pundit.
"I will go you one better: I will say one glass of vinegar is worth all the farts ever made in all of history."
"Sheesh. All of history. That isn't possible to calculate since we don't know many variables involved. What do you say to statistical scientists who say your numbers are fishy?"
"I say go fuck yourself, look at your own numbers, they are effing terrible. You have no idea how to run this thing, but I do. We probably have a lot of trouble due to the horrible smell. It is normalized now, some people think it is okay to smell that horrific stuff. Some people eat it. I pour mine down the sewer, gallons of it, I don't give a shit about pickles."
"You are out of your fucking mind Foxy," said a creep in the back row, who stood up and waved his hairy fat aardvark arms around, "Fuck you. My fortune is based on vinegar. Now you displaced my income. What am I supposed to do?"
"You could go fuck yourself," suggested Dr. Foxy, "or, an alternative, you can go fuck yourself. Either way."
"I see what you did," said the man, "but, I persist. Sir, listen, I plead with you. My mouth is supplied by the resources that vinegar, at about 1 dollar a gallon, can bring. It is easy as shit to make this stuff, I just let water go to pot. I just let it sit there with something and it turns right to vinegar, and then, I bottle it up. The bottle costs 99 cents. So, Listen Foxy, I'm done listening to you."
"I won't stop doing what I'm doing," said Dr. Foxy.
All of this was recorded on video, posted on social, then everyone involved was banned forever, all the videos removed, and all evidence destroyed in a huge fire.
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Now be honest.