The Chronicles of Granny In The Bed

Today's Birthday:  The sun is in the sky today, except at night.  The moon will probably be out at night unless the ceiling gets in the way as usual.  Well, you're a year older.  If you are very old, then that means you will probably not be alive more than 100 more years, but if you're young, you may have over 100 more years to live.  So, use it wisely.  You will work your job, for awhile, then your pension will be stolen and you'll be homeless.  Your family will disown you and the world will forget you ever existed.  That may happen sometime later.  You are the underdog, the maverick.  It is time to take guns to work, and show those bosses just how much you mean to them.  Either way, you will be taken care of after unless you kill less than a billion people. ARIES (March 21-April 19) You've been sitting around too long.  It is time to do something with your life, and not any of that nonsense you've been doing.  Listen,...

You’re talking to me But I was on Sputnik You waste of skin. The Onion By Robert Or William Culbin. No one is sure who penned the verse, but Robert was perhaps the least likely, as it was noted by George First: “I knew Robert,” said George, shaking his head, “he seemed too stupid for a poet. I remember, I asked him, whataya think’s going to happen with this McCarthy fellow? Robert shot me so fast, to this day I don’t mention communism without waving the Confederate flag like mad.” Still, the doubt lingers, as Carvel Ponders stated in her autobiography, Shambles: From the Greenways to the Red Stops . “Relatively speaking,” says the aging sexpot, “Robert was the poet. William was the younger brother, remember. They were only two years apart, but Robert was the leader. He called the shots. William wasn’t endowed with that raw energy that was so much the trait of Robert. His belt was always on crooked. Robert would stop and fix it for him.” “William didn’t have traits except ...

The following articles may seem like coincidences, but, upon close inspection, it is revealed quite clearly that they are anything but.  It is further mostly a fact that most of them are, in fact, not factual by any stretch of the meaning of the term.  We present them for your readership in the usual fashion, following a colon, to wit:      Jesus was born at night in a barn to Mary in Bethlehem.  Nero was born at dawn in a house to Agrippina in Antium.      When Jesus was born, it was said “this is the anointed one who is born of Mary and Joseph.” When Nero was born, it was said “That nothing but what was detestable, and pernicious to the public, could ever be produced of Domitus and Agrippina.”      When Jesus was born head first, three Kings attended his birthplace, and brought three gifts that they delivered to the parents: frankincense, myrrh, and gold.  Afterward, they left sober and were never heard from again. ...

baboso mentiroso slug liar sucio mentiroso filthy liar pedazo de basura piece of trash pedazo de mierda piece of shit cerdo asqueroso                     filthy pig bueno para nada good for nothing imbeciles                              idiot bruja ignorante ignorant witch pinches gringos                     insignificant U.S. citizens chingate guey                       fuck yourself asshole chupa mi verga give me felatio cogete un burro go fuck a donkey pendejo         asshole me vale verga ...

South has a life or death choice to make                                                   North                                                  ♠ A K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2     East                                                                                   West     ♥ A K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2                                              ♣ A K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2    ...

Slogans like "Man, if you need a good man you better see Stan Goodman, esquire" have been around for millions of years.  When you are officially oppressed by government employees, you tend to want the loudest mouth jerk in your corner.  You don't care that he wears leather and stands on the top of a big rig.  He fights so you don't have to, with explosives and questionable methods that may not be ethical.  That is why, this coming fall, last resort television has produced the finest reality series ever created in mankind's short and sketchy semblance toward awareness of itself. Is it going to be better than Wham!?  You bet your ass it is.  They have divided the houses roughly into two teams: asses and fat-knicks.  Team ass has only four to five members at any given time.  One actor, Bernard Standers is pretending to be an outsider to make it seem like he is going to be a good choice.  But after his name he uses the parenthetical 'a', for a...

The President of the United States (formerly The Free World) has gone mad.  It is in the newspapers, it is on the television reality shows, it is a tweet – President Barack Obama has lost his mind.  This is not a joke. Sources close to the White House (standing just outside the gates being harassed and openly murdered by Obama’s secret death drone squad) have reported Friday that President Barack Obama can no longer be considered mentally stable for any significant length of time or at all.  They fear that his psychosis has spread beyond his brain, through the oval office, down the pentagram of Washington D.C., to all levels of government and mail carriers.  And it has just been reported five minutes ago that Congress and The Supreme Court have gone in similar fashion, completely off their rockers - babbling on incoherently like some sort of drunken veterans of the Vietnam Police Action. However, these hot-heads are not decorated war heroes.  Instead, they ...