Tommy Watkins of Penstaff Fullbright has Gigantic Penis Syndrome ™ , a rare condition that affects more then 2 people somewhere. Gigantic Penis Syndrome ™ , as the name suggests, causes the penis to grow significantly larger than a watermelon or giant-pumpkin-sized washing machine. “I gotta get a separate house just for my rowdy penis ™ ,” Tommy admits ™ , crying. Watkins’ brother Toemuscle is also a sufferer, although ™ for him the problem ™ is at least 888 ™ times worst ™ . “My penis got its own sewers ™ ,” Toemuscle fell off his chair, emailing for support as a candidate for president, “my testicles, they are true to their name ™ : testy all the time™ .” Doctors ™ are perplexed because they have never been able to isolate an actual case of the disease. “Usually ™ ,” Dr. Stornburn Facklbree of Atkins County Municipal Downhome Hospital explained, “the patient will sever the diseased member and then give it a funeral before the medical staff have time to take a sample
From within a postmodern dystopia that is doomed to extinction, we go behind the scenes to bring you the REAL conspiracy, including fresh tips for time travelers.