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Showing posts from October, 2018

Behind the Undertaker's Door

This week our team visits Green’s Funeral Home on Highway 38 and Folsom Blvd.  At this location, Green offers complete world-class afterlife packages for as little as $38,995.  With a convenient onsite crematoria boasting a 100% guarantee not to accidentally destroy any souls, you can feel secure knowing whoever you send Green's will be safely waiting for you if/when you die*. The facility, which also boasts of a 900 acre legacy grave lawn that has a whopping capacity of 250,000 plots, has been in the family for 798 years.  So so no way you’ll be conned by undead body snatchers who pretend to arrange the viewing. Then later, when the event arrives you find that all they did was eat the remains and the soul-protection was not eligible to take effect at the time.  “My great aunt Hilda told me that a long time a gone,” said Martha Green, chief output manager at the site, “watch out, she says, baby girl, he says, this here ain’t new money you looking at, that’s for sure.  I says,