Showing posts from 2014

Blender Manufacturer Admits Buttons All Perform The Same Function

In a surprise bold move executives at moxycorp, makers of the popular Colonel Tornado brand blender line, announced Sunday they are eliminating all but one button on their newest design.  According to engineers the uni-button, labeled 'mix', makes it easier for consumers to decide where to stab their dirty fingers when it's time to grind.

Several spectators of the event have been diagnosed with acute mental breakdown. 
"The extra buttons were a sham," admits Tom Court, design team lead at moxycorp, "we put them there as part of a concerted effort to dupe the masses.  In the 1950's there was this vain need to feel superior and the suits could always bilk the flat-tops, whether it was over a pickup truck or a staple kitchen appliance was scarcely important."
Consumers were outraged but docile.  In fact, this article, the de factowhite paper on the subject, has never been syndicated to-date.
The irrefutable facts
"To be honest, I've known for ye…

Our Privacy Policy

While we consider our privacy to be a very serious matter, we do not feel the same way about your privacy.  While we expect you to be the subject of intense scrutiny as to the details of your vast and complicated data footprint, we have no problem keeping you fully ignorant as to the nature of our enterprise. 
This webspace will store and keep the following categories of personal data automatically:
1.Your IP address and geo-location at all times, past, present, and future, including any times that may have occurred prior to the advent of the personal computer or after The Unfortunate Events of 2650.Because you are reading this, said information has already been collected and your consent has already been confirmed electronically via our remote data servers.
2.Your astrological thumbprint, including exact time, date, and geo-location of conception and birth, location of every planet, planetoid, and comet, including moons of said planets, planetoids, and comets; original birth parents…

Recursive Music A Huge Hit Despite Being Unlistenable

Post modern times evoke post modern desperation.  The latest adventure in "time to shock the masses" is as curious as any other dutiful stroke down the leviathan that is the current minute in space-time.  This un-closable jar is called Recursive Music. 
Redeveloped by engineers at Dimebox College in Selma last summer, Recursive Music exploits algorithms that were discarded by Harvard scientists in 1954.  The events that led the Ivy League quintessential hog-fiends to "destroy the code and all traces of the authors of the code" is an interesting story itself.  Apparently, university administrators at the time decided to pursue more idealistic goals than the model prescribed by the haughty "we will destroy all of existence" statement that was the motto of the project led by Dr. Hiley Boll. 
Boll and his students were crucified senior citizen style and their severed carcasses were paraded through the campus common and left exposed until t…

Great Things Great Companies Do That Make Them Great

by Wendy Pill Guest writer

Great companies are not just made - they are spawned from Hell.They are psychopathic super-individuals that pound everyone and everything in their sight. Today, sadly, great companies are in decline with good and bad companies making up most companies.Though this article will not deal specifically with bad companies, it is important to remember in the course of reading that bad companies are companies that make great companies turn into only good companies.

The one thing Good companies do everything except one thing that great companies do – great companies measure once and cut twice; three times if necessary.They cut jobs.Should a hundred cuts be necessary, the difference between being good and great is that the great companies will cut a hundred while the good companies will stop after like twenty-two cuts. Good companies merely ask what if.Then they say, if A then B.They go from A to B.Great companies ask who is in the way of making insane money.If B is in …

Do You Know This Person?

by Della Ridge, guest-writer

Never have so many died for so much to gain so little of the crumbs that were left for so few. You cannot friend someone you don’t know or you will be punished.What Nazi spin-off thought up this rule?Doesn’t it all sound a bit Orwellian and somewhat Dickian?Who should be charged with war crimes?Are we to be tested like Job?Will this be yet another poignant case where the bad men all get away with it and we only find out after top-secret documents are furtively leaked to the newspaper?So many unanswered rhetorical questions.

One-percenters be like
I, the author, performed fifteen minutes of online wiki-intense research and found out that three-time loser Barcus Leech was that mastermind of the dark conspiracy to keep friend requests and friend replies to an absolute minimum on social media.This is the man who originally restricted use of his fashion-of-the-day blab site to university elite.It should therefore be no surprise to learn that he is outside the con…