Showing posts from August, 2015

Why Failure? = Success!

Last time we taught you what homeless beggars do with your spare change.  The response to that article caused three fires in our server warehouse that are still unaccounted for and continue to be an ongoing struggle against time and space.  Some have gathered super-intelligence and have morphed into hyper-beings easily capable of world destruction.  Our techies are really earning their scratch this week but prove to be, really, when all things are considered, not capable of doing anything that is not by-the-book.  Now we have even more ado before we get on with it.

All of that being said, we still want to cash in on the viral craze.  So, we wrote a follow-up article.  A follow-up article is a tool used by bloggers to fill in the billowing white clouds in their sprawling editorial calendars.  It is a way to bother online readers and run as many frilly and misdirected ads under their tawdry noses before they scoff away to google about hillbilly trivia or how to boil an egg.  Yet it rem…

Things a Bum Will Probably Do With Your Spare Change

1.  Buy 50 gallons of gas and burn a Baptist Church.
2.  Get a hotel room and masturbate on Gideon's bible.
3.  Make an initial deposit in a bank account that offers a promotion for opening a new account, never use the account, then close the account once the probationary period is passed and the promotional bait is received.  This is effectively taking advantage of the very trustworthy banking firm.
4.  Buy a camera and film police brutally murder an unarmed minority being charged with one crime: resisting arrest.  We will learn later on the news that police were only doing their best and the victim had a history of expressing human dignity which aroused the sadism in the arresting officer.  Law enforcement, being white men with a few odd tokens of diversity, will be fully exonerated in the incident and be given paid leave.  
5.  Stage a military coup in a country that hasn't been heard from lately in order to turn the public mind away from a more important societal issue or pers…

The Longest Blog Ever Recorded From Space

An author sat on the edge of her bed and began typing an epic blog.  Thinking nothing of it, she pressed the tab key with her left pinky.  With extreme accuracy, she pressed the "A" key with her left pinky, carefully holding down the right shift key at the same time with her right ring finger.  To illustrate the point, she pressed the "N" key with her right index finger.  Referencing a previous move, she pressed the space bar with her right thumb.  Consequently, she pressed the "A" key with her left pinky.  So, she pressed the "U" key with her right index finger.  As icing on the cake, she pressed the "T" key with her left index finger.  In a split second, she pressed the "H" key with her right index finger.  To add to the toll, she pressed the "O" key with her right ring finger.  Showing disregard for time constraints, she pressed the "R" key with her left index finger.  Not to be outdone, she press…