Framed by Coincidences

Have you noticed that life is a series of too many coincidences? Did you in fact think of something just like this yesterday? More coincidences, more profound despair. Every time one experiences déjà vu, one withers even more. It is the experience of bouncing too high before having melted wings at the bottom of the Mediterranean Sea.

If this describes you, it may be time to panic. Once you have trampled your way to here, you must have traveled to the very end of all things. Too bad for you. I bet you thought it was going to be, what, really nice? As did the moth before being tempted by the glimmer of the tawdry flame. Wasn’t the flame tawdry? Don’t you agree? It was not exactly illuminant, was it?

People are all connected. Everyone that you know is involved in an elaborate conspiracy designed to utterly ruin and embarrass you. They hold meetings and elect a historian who documents all of the actions of the committee against you. The records committee has rented out three floors of a downtown building just to store their data warehouse that contains compelling video evidence of your most awkward situations. They use Robert’s Rules of Order and everything, it is all very posh posh. Just from a legal standpoint, this organization is as sound as the Crimean Ruble. It is a firewall within a firewall inside a KGB sandbox and a limited partnership behind a blind trust.

What they are mostly doing is talking about you constantly. They spy on your every move. Every decision that you make, publicly and privately, is scrupulously documented and critically scrutinized. They do not allow for an advocate in your favor in their midst. In fact, anyone who would advocate for you could potentially end up in the very same situation you are in, the total victim of society’s evil, the endless scapegoat, the constant loser, the bottomless enemy in their sphere. You have been chosen, which is good, but also singled-out, which is bad.

Your best friend is either the president of the organization or the power behind the power. Your lover is the supreme overseer, having the power to veto any move by the inner council. Your family are all members of the inner council. That is pretty prestigious. To get on the inner council, it takes a unanimous vote. That is not easy to get, believe me. It may take years for someone to move from being a pledge member to being escalated as a fully endowed member of the inner council. This is very serious work. They want to completely ruin your entire life, not just a part of it. They want to make sure that you get hit in the head, recover, get hit in the head, recover, get hit in the head, recover, etc. So because of this, competition to be a member of the inner council has been described as skyrocketing lately, because of all of your ass-hat bullshit.

Especially after your latest fiasco. Good work, by the way. I don’t know what you did, or why you did it, but come on, it was a really stupid thing and now the conspiracy against you is deepening. They are using that incident to make things worse for you. They are pointing to that flaw and it only makes them more dedicated to the cause. It is a rallying factor that I don’t think anyone has ever seen the likes of.

Listen, there is only one way to escape this sociological malady. You have to confront them, just like in the after-school specials. You know, you say something like, “I’m a human being who deserves a certain level of respect and decency.” It is also good to mention how words don’t hurt you, reminding them that the only thing that can actually hurt you is hard, blunt objects. But until they wield sticks and stones, you aren’t going to budge. When they get out the sticks, you are going to be hurt and run. But words, no. Not words. They will never hurt you. No way. Tell them that. Say it just as eloquently as that was. Trust me, it works.

Another thing to remember, just for your own thread to hold on to – if they would treat you like that, then they are not your real friends. With friends like these, you are saved the trouble of having enemies. A friend with needs is a friend who bleeds. Take stock, brethren, for you may use your lethal injection on the condemned if, and only if, you are without sin. Got me? If you don’t have sin, that is okay. But if you have sin, mister, then you put the fucking needle down and you get the fuck out of here. You understand what I’m saying? Any of this getting through to you? Now skedaddle. On you go. No, don’t stay.

You need to stand up to the bully. And if he hits you, you know what? You just invite him to hit you again. Just say, here you go, that is about as much as I care about it – not at all. So what you hit me. Do it again for all I care. And that dumb little bastard will wonder what is going on for a second. He will think, goodness, most people don’t like to be hit. Most people try and avoid being hit, especially in the face. He says, this is why I do this, to humiliate people, but if this snook is going to just bow down and take it I won’t bother because what is the point? He’ll say, I always like to do things that make sense or have a meaning in some way. Hitting a willing victim is hardly part of that category. Though they do not know why, pacifism works according to leading scientists.

Go with what works, I say. If it’s not broken, fix it a little but don’t go too far so that you end up breaking it because there is a certain amount of risk anytime you fix something, you may not be able to get it put back together right. You may not have the right tools, or anything could go wrong. You may have to wait weeks for a part to be shipped. There is literally an endless set of possibilities once you trek that route, so best advice, if its broke, go ahead and fix it. You’ll be okay because there isn’t anything to risk but a broken thing. However, if its working, and you are thinking, I want to make it work even better, or you want to modify the original design, just stop it right now.

Wow. I just say, wow, you would do that? Fiddle with the spec design and attempt to alter how the machine actually operates for some end? What in the world? Bad idea. Then you are risking a device that works. You will be without that device if your attempt fails. Sure, you will gain some if you alter it and it actually works better than it did in some way. That is okay too. Now, if you know there is a reasonable chance that you may come out with a better device, you may still be within the bounds of plausibility to undertake the modification. I suggest you think very carefully about it though. I suggest you get all the advice that you can get on the subject. I recommend that you have a licensed engineer examine your modification plans thoroughly. I would advise you to make a list of stakeholders and poll them to find out exactly how they feel about it deep down in their heart of hearts.

As for this committee that stands to ruin you. You can fix that. You have to bow before them and beg them to just be your friend and stop being mean to you. You have to swallow a gallon of pride and spit out a barrel of love right in their eyes. You have to show them. That is why I said eyes. Because I was referring to the double meaning there. Most of you missed that, I know. Sharpen up. This is serious business. If I make a smart reference, I expect you to notice it immediately, so that you will have the desired reaction. If one reference slips by you, even one, then you are going to miss the whole point. This won’t make any sense to you. You will be thinking now, what the fuck is this? And then hope is lost, the committee will violate your being constantly and without mercy.