The Astonishing Not Coincidences

The following articles may seem like coincidences, but, upon close inspection, it is revealed quite clearly that they are anything but.  It is further mostly a fact that most of them are, in fact, not factual by any stretch of the meaning of the term.  We present them for your readership in the usual fashion, following a colon, to wit:

     Jesus was born at night in a barn to Mary in Bethlehem.  Nero was born at dawn in a house to Agrippina in Antium.
     When Jesus was born, it was said “this is the anointed one who is born of Mary and Joseph.” When Nero was born, it was said “That nothing but what was detestable, and pernicious to the public, could ever be produced of Domitus and Agrippina.”
     When Jesus was born, three Kings attended his birthplace, and brought three gifts that they delivered to the parents: frankincense, myrrh, and gold.  Afterward, they left sober and were never heard from again.  When Nero was born, three soldiers came to kill Nero after he was born.  They did not succeed but stole incense and gold from the palace.  The soldiers stayed and got drunk but later became a notorious party in Rome.
     Jesus's mother Mary was a virgin when Jesus was conceived.  Nero's mother Agrippina had just finished rough coitus with Nero's father Domitus when Nero was conceived.
     Jesus gave sermons from hilltops.  Nero gave musical performances in theaters.
     Jesus had disciples who praised his teachings, discarding their fishing nets to follow him.  Nero kept an involuntary paid audience who perfected applauding his performances, discarding their youth for his aggrandizing and amusement.
     Jesus was betrayed by Judas, who was given 30 pieces of silver and later died.  Nero was aided by a voice master, who stole silverware from the family cupboard before falling dead years later.
     Jesus was the King of the Jews.  Nero was the Emperor of Rome.
     Jesus saved Mary Magdalen from being stoned to death.  Nero kicked his pregnant wife Sabina to death.
     Jesus was executed under the order of Pontius Pilate, a mysophobic Roman prefect of Judaea, outside Jerusalem at the age of 33, in the year 35.  Nero committed suicide, attended by Sporus, his transgender wife, outside Rome at the age of 31, in   the year 68, exactly 33 years later.
     Jesus' full name is Jesus Christ of Nazareth.  Nero's full name is Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus.  Neither name contains only 15 letters.

Author's Note of Full Disclosure:  Many in the scholarly community have come forward to declare that most of the items in this list were either exaggerated at best or fabricated at worst.  It is advised that you do not quote this article for anything important.  However, I, the author, do assert that every thing I have ever written is 100% factual and verified in the proper way.  I feel the attack against my work (which is not, no matter what lies are told, an insignificant achievement in the field of ancient history) is largely a matter of politics.

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