The Unfortunate Events of 2650: What you need to know for Wednesday

The Unfortunate Events of 2650 refers to a space-time anomaly that occurs sometime between 2647 and 2653 CE that prevents all time travel to and from any time destination around or after the event.

It is believed that very little to no life exists beyond 2650.

The Unfortunate Events of 2650 were first discovered by Arlbrach Sonminchter in 2349 following a breakthrough exploration project called Next Millennium. The mission was a bold initiative to travel one thousand years into the future. Sonmincher’s party only got to 2598 before their space-time beseecher malfunctioned. At first, it was believed that the anomaly was caused by a misunderstanding of the fundamental mechanisms of space-time manipulation from the work of Walder Krandal of Apple University in Los Angeles.

Further attempts to retrace Sinmincher’s steps revealed an asymptote in the Biggs-Dizz equation, R=r/$R+B*D. The “Great Dead End”, as the barrier was termed by notorious 25th century futurologist Twarlie Barko, has proven insurmountable. Over 900 attempts have been undertaken to no avail.

The current record for traveling to the future is Barack 23, 2643, set by August Newtonhouse and a team of 36 mega scientists. Newtonhouse is quoted as saying, soon after his return, “that’s bad. That’s real bad” in reference to what he saw there. He and his entire crew were all held for acute mental breakdown and never returned to society.

The scientific community has reached a consensus that the time frame of the Unfortunate Events of 2650 marks the “End of the world as we know it”.

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