The Chronicles of Granny In The Bed

  3 ,000,000 alien egg siblings coming of age across globe; bullying of sea youth by insecure humans on the rise; Christians will take up arms and destroy society; Antichrist to be born in Smack Dab tonight; outlook: gloom. Ocean babies Blinsy Maalork along with 2,999,999 sibling eggs traveled to earth in a mother ship originating from Taibl, a level three hyperplanet believed to be in the reaches of the Arp 220 collision trail 77,000 parsecs from Earth.   To give you some perspective, when she began her trip, the earth was three weeks old - a flaming hairball of itself. Half a billion years later, the space eggs fell randomly across Earth’s oceans during the Hadean eon, and quickly sank to the seafloor.   Known to the ancients for making whimsical garden ornaments, the orbs were considered fossils until about 12 years ago when scientists began to notice the alien eggs were turning up on beaches and hatching into apparently normal Earth babies that seem...

    Computer takes over galaxy; Arthur Front and company strenuously protest; Still nothing specific about the meaning of it all. Death Valley -  Predictive Analytics (PA), the new buzzword often heard across the boardroom din, does not always find what is obvious.   It often finds traumatic and awful news about the exact fate of all mankind.   This happens so often, in fact, that some math PhD’s have been known to scream in horror before and after calculating certain formulas.   Scientists are on edge and not sure where to put their microscopes or when to look in them for fear of being frightened to the very depths of their beings. In one poignant example of PA’s odd power, a model created by a team of 5 th graders in the North Carolina hills reportedly is able to determine the meaning of life by analyzing the blanks between words and inside of letters like ‘o’ and ‘e’ in biblical scrolls.   They were able to determine exactly wha...

  Tertiary computers in Alabama discover model number of mankind; baseless numbers used to decipher “language” of the universe .   Tuscaloosa – Jerry Semko and Marvin Bathwaiter have used tertiary computers to discover the universal model number of Homo sapiens sapiens.   The identifyer, A16, has led Semko and Bathwaiter to conclude that there are a limited number of humanoid subspecies created by +1, which they believe to be the mitochondrial name of God, because of the relatively low value that they say is unusual for model numbers in the astronomical sphere. Do Loop “If we assume an alphanumeric system, A16 is way up there on the list, it could very well represent the 16 th copy of the original.   That is, there may be 16 Adams and 16 Eves or just one and that is the copy that was copied, including the snapshot of the online owner’s manual that was lost during the positron event of 2800 BCE .   It is also possible...

There is no denying it - the information age is upon us.   Certainly one of the most exciting trends is blogging.   With over thirty million blogs worldwide and the fact that two new blogs are created every second, web users are bombarded with blog options.   This may be a problem because you may feel sad if no one is reading your blog.   You may also be dealing with the unfortunate situation that occurs when you’re not a celebrity.   So, then, how does one navigate in such indifferent waters? If you’re like most of us, you have no idea what to write about, neither the capacity nor the attention span.   One way to avoid the frustration is to write a meta blog that offers tips for writing a blog.       Make a list   1.                 Enumerate, enumerate, enumerate.   2.             ...

The view from inside a time machine looking out     Time Immigrant   One of the most daunting challenges of time travel has always been avoiding the dimension shift.   Because there are infinite universes in the multiverse, each containing infinite possibilities and an exact duplicate of you, your DNA handle, and the remaining soul, it is essential to stay within the same universe at all times.   Time travel is a very delicate art of perfect tuning.   One slight difference could mean that honorable people in this universe are dastardly criminals in another and vice versa . However, trips to parallel universes do provide often very amusing stories that span the genre spectrum and encompass exciting, masterfully spun tales of grandeur.   Molly Jevais has compiled thousands of these real-life stories into one collection – Time Travel Anthologies Volume 2 .   Jevais, 32, traveled the epochs in search of pithy t...

Granny’s 14 Points Steps to Success If you want to blog, you should definitely blog. Remember that everyone wants to hear what you have to say. Pick a topic that will sell any style of shoe.   Write crazy and dangerous things.   It is also good advice to violate key rules of grammar and punctuation.   Create buzz by visiting your blog from public computers all over town, being sure to click on the ads.   Experts say that clicks count.   Also, leave anonymous comments like: “this is the greatest blog EVER.” Share your blog with facebook friends and guilt them into liking it. Get plenty of exercise. Brag about your blog at any reunion. Create a religious cult and a facebook group with links to your blog. If you don’t know how to write, copy text (and photos) from other sites and paste them onto yours (ctrl+c to copy, ctrl+v to paste,). Keywords are words...

Caracas - It was reported Thursday in News Weekly that mutated computer viruses are infecting human beings and other lower apes at an alarming rate.   The announcement came during an Illuminati rally held Friday in Perth.   Sources close to The Bilderberg have said that the organization has known about Amphibious Digital Particle Viruses (ADPV), the most notorious of the Class 5 technovirus families, for some time.   “We may have even developed them,” said Roberto Carlos, a Bilderberg serpent-head and secret world police officer, “However, because we are secretive, we cannot be certain of that or much else.   All we know is ADPV's do exist and that they are particularly awful.” According to Carlos, 979 cases have been reported in and around Caracas since Sunday.   Nearby La Paz is believed to be at the epicenter of the outbreak, which has a reported 117% effective death rate, killing even those who have only heard about the ...