The Chronicles of Granny In The Bed

baboso mentiroso slug liar sucio mentiroso filthy liar pedazo de basura piece of trash pedazo de mierda piece of shit cerdo asqueroso                     filthy pig bueno para nada good for nothing imbeciles                              idiot bruja ignorante ignorant witch pinches gringos                     insignificant U.S. citizens chingate guey                       fuck yourself asshole chupa mi verga give me felatio cogete un burro go fuck a donkey pendejo         asshole me vale verga ...

South has a life or death choice to make                                                   North                                                  ♠ A K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2     East                                                                                   West     ♥ A K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2                                              ♣ A K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2    ...

Slogans like "Man, if you need a good man you better see Stan Goodman, esquire" have been around for millions of years.  When you are officially oppressed by government employees, you tend to want the loudest mouth jerk in your corner.  You don't care that he wears leather and stands on the top of a big rig.  He fights so you don't have to, with explosives and questionable methods that may not be ethical.  That is why, this coming fall, last resort television has produced the finest reality series ever created in mankind's short and sketchy semblance toward awareness of itself. Is it going to be better than Wham!?  You bet your ass it is.  They have divided the houses roughly into two teams: asses and fat-knicks.  Team ass has only four to five members at any given time.  One actor, Bernard Standers is pretending to be an outsider to make it seem like he is going to be a good choice.  But after his name he uses the parenthetical 'a', for a...

The President of the United States (formerly The Free World) has gone mad.  It is in the newspapers, it is on the television reality shows, it is a tweet – President Barack Obama has lost his mind.  This is not a joke. Sources close to the White House (standing just outside the gates being harassed and openly murdered by Obama’s secret death drone squad) have reported Friday that President Barack Obama can no longer be considered mentally stable for any significant length of time or at all.  They fear that his psychosis has spread beyond his brain, through the oval office, down the pentagram of Washington D.C., to all levels of government and mail carriers.  And it has just been reported five minutes ago that Congress and The Supreme Court have gone in similar fashion, completely off their rockers - babbling on incoherently like some sort of drunken veterans of the Vietnam Police Action. However, these hot-heads are not decorated war heroes.  Instead, they ...

All Dem Capers Based on the novel by Frothy Grilban Choreography by Umpher Rym A newly divorced breeder and door-to-door salesman, Merleandor Comrade (Yelly Scroban), meets up with former furniture repairman and lawnmower collector Fonzi Carmichael (Freelance Chewbaka) who has recently been diagnosed with outer depressive disorder.  Outer depressive disorder is a mental anomaly and antithesis that causes anyone who meets Carmichael to become clinically and morbidly depressed soon after.  The two begin running a letters racket, based off the numbers racket.  They replace the numbers with letters and call it simply “the letters”. When Chives Kandalabrah (Shelly Vim) goes up against hot boxer Go Brillowitz (Lomp Cockstern) in a battle to see who would get in line first on Black Friday to purchase a robot that roves the ceiling in search of dust bunnies known as “the trainspotter” for €89.999, their plans are thwarted when newcomer optometrists in overcoats Walter and ...

Moratorium For The Boratorium Written and Directed by Phil Therschaut In 1620's Tora Bora, when 99½-year-old cow poacher Sarik Bengabariq (Slando Phonbhot) is politely asked by well-meaning townspeople (Jerstand Box, Calandra Sue Yimbifity, and Borstap Conway) to leave town because he is too messy, all hell breaks loose after local sitar player Vikota Al-fazad (Margery Hathaway-Bonkers) later accuses Sarik of shaming her favorite horn and antler importer Schlepper Schmendrick (Santana Fortytrees) in a bar fight that lasts most of a Tuesday evening, over a counter top made of Argentinian bullhorn. Meanwhile, the town is suffering a crisis.  Everywhere, people are playing the apple gourd, a hollowed out percussive instrument that has become such a nuisance, local cattle are slowly drowning themselves. At a vote of the Tora Bora City Council, led by Mayor Dux Qirebirk (Manny Del Vecio), it is determined that apple gourds are not a proper instrument for cosmopolitan city dwel...

Ardently Grappling Schnorvil Directed by Matilda Bagpipes After fourth chair violinist Schnorvil McBetrest (Frans Pasckenheist) is thrown out of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra by new conductor Sargent Paul Varnish (April Langswell) for knocking over child prodigy Bogues Henry (Gird Villanova) with his violin case, Schnorvil is led on a series of misadventures through the Australian outback, many of which involve drugs and include multiple atrocities involving innocent aborigines (played by Shil Berham, Angalina Staplegun, Gori Bash, Trilamp Garland, and Milzi Pympe-Deville), before returning to New York with a fresh attitude and vicious playing style that rivals the very best musicians the world has ever seen.  Many who hear Schnorvil play at this time fall into a trance and weep begging for more. That is when Schnorvil meets Watusi Endeavors (Marilyn Streece), a key agent for Shalango Middle Class Records.  She offers Schnorvil top billing at Club Get Down, a local...